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Writer's pictureHelen Hogg

How I ended up on a nudist beach?




I have grown up in a family where story telling and the passing on of stories was and is something we cherish. I remember countless moments sitting in family gatherings hearing the same anecdotes over and over. I grew up to be one of the voices saying grandma tell us about the time "Uncle Harry fell off the roof?" or "tell us when Grandad sank the old bikes into the concrete base of the shed but left the peddles sticking up so when you walked in the door you tripped over?" or tell me about "How dad nicked Auntie Susans Sausage" I mean I knew all these stories so well I could tell them word for word but there was something special sitting and listening and laughing over and over again.


Thanks to this legacy I'm a story teller I love nothing better than telling you all about the latest adventure. The problem is I convinced myself everyone is too busy, or I'm not articulate enough to write it down (to be fair that is true so forgive my grammar and spelling mistakes) So you will see far too many exclamation marks but why let a little thing like that stop you!! So here I go and apologies to those who adventure with me you will probably appear more than once!


This photo is taken from my honeymoon. It’s a nudist beach in Vancouver or should I say an 'optional clothing beach'! You may be wondering how I find myself on an optional clothing beach on my honeymoon. Let me tell you about it...


I’m the kind of person who loves going on holiday and loves to spend time planning what they will do it’s part of the excitement however for this adventure I hadn’t done any planning I’d been so focused on the wedding that I haven’t really given much thought what we were going to do. I was a bit taken aback to find out that James actually had given some thought to what he wanted to do in fact he wanted on day 2 of 'our honeymoon' to go to the totem pole museum!!! Those that know me will not be surprised when I say "I am not a lover of museums (apologies to anybody reading who loves museums)" in fact the only thing I love about museums is the coffee shop. However being the new wife I didn't want to stop James going so I thought I’ll grab a cup of tea read my book in the cafe while he wanders round. That plan quickly changed when I discovered you needed to pay to get in! Nope no way I was out of there I ditched James at the door and promptly headed off into the beautiful woodland area around the building. No plan, no map, just a vague dirt track and a few folks who were walking towards me. So off I go, secretly feeling very bold and confident and even dare I say proud that I have not just gone along and moped around and that I let him do his thing too. I thought "I am so winning at life" "Its beautiful weather's doing my own thing off on my adventure" I often have these conversations in my head. I'm not sure if anyone else does? No one ever talks about them and I'm pretty sure some things might be avoided if they did and we would all feel a little bit more 'normal' (if thats ever possible)


Anyway back to our story about 5 to 10 minutes into my walk I came upon a set of stairs leading down to a clearing and a sign reading 'optional clothing beach' here goes one of those head conversations again - still walking but I start saying "what do you think that means" "thats weird optional clothing?" "why wouldn't you choose to have your clothes on???" And as it slowly dawns on me that the sign could have read THIS WAY TO THE NUDEST BEACH. I find myself on the said beach with a few participators either side!

Not wanting (well a little bit wanting) to stare at people I proceed to pick up the pace to the waters edge - I mean I had 2 options turn round as soon as I see naked people or make it look like I had always intended this!! And yep you guessed thats

exactly what I did - I also took my shoes off as a sign that I had opted to remove one item of clothes - when in Rome!!!! All the time I was thinking "oh my goodness" "what is James going to say?" and how can I avoid looking at anyone!!!! I didn't feel I could look round or take too long at looking anywhere!! so I paddle into the water and think "do it with confidence no one will know!" However this was not a sandy beach on entering the water the sharpest little 'dagger' rocks sliced my feet not that you could have guessed if you were on beach I was doing my best to conceal any pain and walk as fast as I could mange over the piercing stones to some smoother surfaces and leg it as fast as possible to another more with a clothing essential policy! And since I thought I was going to have to explain to my new husband where I had been and how I had managed cut my feet to ribbons like something out of 'Die hard' I took this photo!!! And 10 minutes later I paddled out of the water, sat myself on a rock and tried to work out where I was!


As I sat there my phone rang and James says "where are you?" I reply "no idea but my feet are all cut and I can't go back because there are naked people?? And since I'm writing this now you will have realised I found my way out (thank you apple maps!) James and I laughed lots about it and over two weeks I limped around allowing me to reflect on my life choices!!

I have often wondered what made me push on why didn’t I turn back. I had no idea I would cut my feet up but it was my stubbornness and pride that made me push on, I suffered for more than two weeks with sore and bruised feet just because I didn’t want anyone to notice that I felt out of place or had made a mistake!


And thats how this became the story remember that one time I ended up on a nudist beach!












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